As an English teacher, I have always had an umbrella theme for the year. A theme I felt was an important skill all people should embrace. While I generally choose empathy I thought I would simplify it the last couple years to kindness, so it was more easily understood by my 8th graders. I think it was a mistake.
Young people understand empathy, they may not know the word, but they do understand it. I think it is crucial to teach them what they are feeling and what it is when they experience it. That is how we will create a more empathetic community and world.
As I am preparing for a new school year at a new school in the midst of so much polarity in the world and hatred toward others I am physically in pain with empathy for so many. I grew up being told I was a peacekeeper, told that I cried without knowing why because I was sensitive to others pain, I was drawn to others who needed an empathetic friend. As I have experienced great loss within a short span of time, and several other life experiences that have taken me on journeys to help relate to others in pain a little better, I have found a large cause of my chronic cluster migraines. Recently I have had a pretty continual migraine, I can ease it with emergency meds, and ice packs, but it almost always returns shortly after those wear off. I notice the pain more as I scroll through social media posts sharing ill informed opinion pieces intended to divide our struggling communities even more.
As I struggle to face not only these world wide struggles, but my own families personal trials as well, I keep telling myself I survived my husband's sudden death and raised 4 kids on my own, why does this seem so hard? As I finally began to prepare for my next year classes and teaching, I found a great reminder of how I got through most trials- I wrote about it.
I processed my grief, depression, struggles, victories, all by writing about them. Or even writing fiction to process thoughts and ideas. I decided to try writing what I was going through before focusing on my lesson planning to test my theory... see if my headaches eased, even a little. To my delight and astonishment it is. And the last couple weeks I have tried EVERYTHING! Having my husband massage it, ice packs, head packs, a variety of medication both OTC and prescribed, in the past I have even gotten a piercing believed to help and considered it on my other ear. The tension I felt start in my jaw and work it's way up to my head and down my spine is relaxing. Usually I have to really focus on relaxing it.
This to me has been the danger of empathy- I hurt for all my friends, family, students, co-workers, and even strangers who are being prosecuted to speaking and sharing their beliefs on all sides of issues. I ache for the gullibility of people who are lazy and simply believe and share what they see that conveys their beliefs without fact checking.
My anxiety has been torturing me as I see plans to open schools frequently change, protests for and against them, and the worry from both sides if we are doing this smartly. I have worried since the shut down about students who have confided in me about their home life, worried about students who rely heavily on the support of friends, worry about my introverted quiet students who need what little interaction school gave them. For these students we need to return. But I have also seen first hand the pain of grief in teens, to lose a friend, family member, or school staff they are close too would be just as traumatic. To protect these students I care so much for I can't do it effectively with the little safety precautions they are implementing. Nor can I utilize best teaching practices for engaging students. There is no right answer. I do not want to return online only, nor do I with everyone. I want a blended option that we can adjust one way or the other as needed. Again, as a peacemaker I want the closest way to make everyone happy.
But I love these kids I teach! I want to be with them again! I want to see the learning and reflecting of empathy that I build in our class. I have no doubt that if we were all more empathetic and listened to others so many of those with such polar opposite views would find some common ground. But we are all so unwilling to stop and listen because it often results in attacks. We start on the defensive before we just listen. So my goal for the year as I plan my class mostly online is to find opportunities to listen to my students. To show the value and power of empathy, and by doing so hopefully avoid the danger of holding it all in and share more with others.
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